I have tried to encourage everyone as much as I can to do their best, but sometimes life hits so differently that reading those sentences doesn’t make sense anymore.
Sometimes, you don’t feel those words, and you can’t even find any reason to… I got all those feelings when I lost my father, and the whole world changed in my eyes. There was nothing left to say. I felt like I had lost everything, and that emptiness in the deepest part of my heart was unexplainable.
That time I felt like nothing. I always believed in hope, happiness, a future, a successful life, and so on. But at that moment, nothing was actually important. I was always so stressed about life; making my grades the best, passing all my exams in the perfect way, feeling happy, and always doing something useful. But with just one call, everything turned to dust at that moment.
People asked a lot of questions about whether I could get used to it or get over it, but I don’t think that it’s something that will pass easily. As life comes upon you and you experience the pain, a new door opens inside you. And the most important thing is to get used to that new version of yourself. Your pain does not go away, or that emptiness you feel never seems to be filled inside because that part of you was the most precious one.
But it’s no wonder you feel behind on everything, and the thing is that you’re just behind a new starting line with a new perspective. It was exactly the point that I had to understand, and I needed time to do so. All those feelings come when you are destroyed from inside, but the truth is that you are born again from your ashes. New you, new beginnings…
I was thinking a lot every day and night. Maybe it was too soon for this experience; maybe I wasn’t ready for it, but all I knew was that I was getting into something that would be extremely difficult to handle. At my dental school, I couldn’t take 4 of my final exams, which were so dramatically important for me. Because of the call that I got, I had to go back to my hometown shortly after. But to be honest, life tested me with a more painful exam without asking me to prepare for it.
This is exactly the rule of this journey, isn’t it?
Now that it’s almost two months since that day, I can say that I’m healing myself day by day, still fighting for a better life, and letting time relieve my pain. I’m becoming more powerful and independent. Some will always wait to see your failure but never give them that satisfaction. Everything will pass in life, but your decisions will always be with you. I may be tired. I may need some time to rehabilitate myself, but after all of this, I will fight harder and laugh louder.
I don’t know what will happen next, but I can still say that no matter what happens and how broken you are, it’s up to you to stand up again, believe in yourself, and never allow difficulties to defeat you.
My last little note to my father is, “I promise you will proudly watch your girl doing her best.”