I am neurodivergent. High functioning. High masking. High everything, really, except able to relax in a high-energy group for more than about six minutes. People are often surprised, because I look like I was born for these rooms. I’m a keynote speaker, a trainer, a consultant. I host my own live events for Morado Allied Speakers & Consultants, and they’re known for going deep—bring-your-Kleenex deep. Participants cry. They break through barriers. They leave transformed.
What they don’t see is me slipping away during breaks to find a closet, a supply room, sometimes even a venue pantry, where I can lie flat on the cool floor and let the static drain out of my body. Ten minutes of quiet, a few grounding breaths, and I’m back, smiling and seemingly unstoppable. High masking at its finest.
Here’s the twist: I do get energy from rooms when I’m guiding the energy. When I’m presenting or facilitating, I control the rhythm. I decide when to pause, when to laugh, when to let the silence settle. That’s where I thrive. But drop me into a buzzing retreat as an attendee and my mind turns into a pinball machine.
That’s actually how Morado Allied Speakers & Consultants was born. I couldn’t find a training environment that worked for me, so I built one.
So yes, the answer may be “in the room.” For me, wisdom is knowing which rooms I can handle today and which ones I’m still working toward. The DEW retreat is on that list—a goal and a personal challenge. I believe in the magic that happens there, and I cheer for everyone who already finds their spark in that space. I simply need more time, and that’s okay.
To my fellow entrepreneurs and high-masking neurodivergent humans: you are not broken. Your worth isn’t measured by the events you attend but by the impact you have when you show up for others at any capacity. But don’t give up on being in the room. Maybe I’ll see you there someday.
And to my DEW Life family: please know my absence has never been disinterest. It’s strategy. It’s self-care. It’s the only way I can keep showing up as the person you know—the speaker who can bring a ballroom to their feet or to tears and still be standing when the lights come back on.
“People see a social butterfly. What they don’t see is me lying on the pantry floor, letting the static drain so I can re-enter the room.”
— Claudia Lovato, author of In Spite of Myself: Confessions of a High-Functioning Neurodivergent
About the Author
Claudia Lovato is the founder of Morado Allied Speakers & Consultants, a keynote speaker, and a learning & development consultant. Her debut book, In Spite of Myself: Confessions of a High-Functioning Neurodivergent, launches this winter. She is currently booking her new keynote catalog, designed to help organizations support neurodiverse teams and create events and environments where every brain belongs.
